Dear diary,
I am currently very confused.
Earlier today I dropped by the butcher to pick up some pork, so I can cook my favorite adobo. As I walked into the store, I was very surprised to see this lovely young lady at the counter instead of the usual burly guy that takes my order. Surprised, I asked if she was new.
"Yes, I just moved in from Siqijor", she replied.
She was beautiful. Long hair, delicate features, quiet, shy, demure.
I couldn't resist. After purchasing the pork, I stopped and invited her to dinner and a movie. I offered to make us dinner, and have an evening picnic in a nearby park. Twilight had just come out recently, and she suggested that we watch that.
I spent my late afternoon preparing the adobo. I must admit I was nervous. I got dressed and picked her up at around 8pm in the evening. The residence I picked her up from was small and quite secluded. The first thing I noticed when I saw her then was that her eyes were heavily bloodshot. Being an eye doctor, I immediate offered to take a closer look, but she smiled and waved it away, explaining that it was "just an allergy".
I couldn't help but continue to notice it for the rest of the evening, however. Another curious oddity was the pet owl I glimpsed from the doorstep, which made loud screeching noises.
We arrived at the park, had our dinner. It was a full moon, and the evening seemed perfectly romantic. She was quiet for most of the evening, but I figured it was just because she was shy. Eventually, she excused herself to the bathroom for a moment and disappeared into a shroud of trees.
I got up and followed, to tell her that the bathrooms were in the other direction. That portion of the park was dark and I was afraid she would get lost. As I approached the trees, I heard a loud rustling sound and I decided to approach with caution.
Oh my god. I did not expect to see what I saw next. There she was, beautiful as ever, but slowly her form shifted-- wings erupted from her back and her body splits itself into two. It was monstrous. Banshee-like. Her hair, so sleek and silky earlier, flies out from her scalp in all directions.
Her eyes lock with mine.
I run. Fast. Hard. In no particular direction, just to get away from there. Never mind my picnic basket, lawn towel and the wonderful leftover adobo I was hoping to eat as tomorrow's breakfast. It was difficult to leave it all behind, but I had no choice.
The loud flapping sound of her wings pursued me for about a mile as I ran home. I realized I had a bag of salt (conveniently) in my pocket, so I took it out, opened it, and tried to throw the crystals at her as I fled. I guess I must have hit her at some point, because there was a screech of irritated rage and she stopped pursuing me. The acrid scent of burning flesh wafted in with the breeze.
Moral of my story: Never pick a girl up from a butcher shop. That was a nightmare of a date. Also- always carry a bag of salt in your pocket. That stuff is useful!
-Pepe
(Kristine Tilos)
